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第16章 生命掌握在你的手里(7)

Cary Grant would have thought of 20 funny or engaging replies. I stuck out my tongue.

In an infinity of female wisdom, Lydia neither walked out nor hit me. Finally I said in a strangled voice,“What I mean is, ah, I would like to talk to you about it. Could we go and, ah, have some coffee?”

Yes, she would like that (this to the music of the spheres). But later, as we walked to the coffee shop, I realized I had no money. Not a nickel. I couldn’t tell the celestial beauty beside me. All I could do was silently pray that I’m find a pal1 I could hit up for a loan. I did: Bill Sweeney, who lent me a quarter. May his name be written in the Golden Book.

Lydia and I had tea, because it would last longer (you got more hot water free). We sat there for some two hours, talking about everything. After I left her at the dorm, I ran home along the dark streets, saying, “I love her, I love her,” over and over. I did, too.

Never doubt that this can happen. I’ve barely spoken to her before that night, but I knew absolutely. What are the odds: one in a hundred, a thousand? It happened to me.

The fall passed in a hazy mix of work and love. Then, on December 7, 1941, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Every healthy male between 18 and 45 knew where he’ll be before long: in uniform.

I enlisted in the Air Forces. During the six months before I was called up, Lydia and I continued to share classes, act and work in stage crews together.

“In love” is an inadequate deion, at least for me. Try “obsessed.” But that was from my end. I don’t think Lydia was even in love at that point. She kept me at arm’s length, waiting to see if I might ripen into an actual human being.

By my last weeks on campus, I was preoccupied with getting Lydia into bed or married to me. She rejected both options with adamantine resolve. She had no intention of getting pregnant or wed: she was determined to get her degree.

Desperately, I fell back on the ploy soldiers have used for centuries.“You realize you may never see me again. We must have something to carry in our hearts! It may be years, it may be never!”It was a heart-breaking performance, not least because I meant it, but it never dented her resolve.

One afternoon we were down in the school basement, silkscreening a set of theater posters. “I got a letter from this boy I knew in high school,” Lydia said. “He’s coming to town in a few days. Pete.”

“Pete?”

“I thought I might see him. He’s going in the Navy.”

“The Navy?”

“We might have dinner... with other people, of course. At that place on Ridge Road. Not a date.”

“No! I mean, of course, not a date. Sure, I guess... sure.”

I had blown it, but all was not lost. She might not be willing to marry me, yet, but I was not going to lose this girl five days before I checked in for World War II! The night of Pete’s visit, I bullied a friend into letting me borrow his car.“For one hour, for God’s sake. Of course I have a license!” (I didn’t.)

All the way to the restaurant where the nefarious Pete was plotting to steal my girl, I rehearsed a speech designed to win her heart. I avoided disaster driving the car and strode confidently into the restaurant, where I saw Lydia seated at a large table. Everyone turned to look at me...and I forgot my speech. Every word.

The silence lengthened. Stepping to the table, I took Lydia’s hand and said, “Come with me.” And she did.

I believe with all my heart that the rest of my life began with that moment. That boyish, quixotic disruption of a dinner is the most important single action I’ve ever taken. I remain proud of it and eternally grateful to my girl—as she surely became, irreversibly, when she stood and walked out of the restaurant, holding my hand.

After I left for basic training, I redoubled my efforts to get Lydia to marry me.“Just think, darling,” I wrote, “if we’re married and I get killed, you get 10, 000 free and clear.”This appeal, eminently rational to my Scots soul, failed to move her.

Exhausted by the grind of basic training, I gave up even mentioning marriage in my letters. One day back to my barracks after hours on the obstacle course I found a yellow envelope on my bunk.“HAVE DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR PROPOSAL,” the telegram said, “LOVE, LYDIA.”

So she came down to the piney woods of Greensboro, N.C., to marry me. A two-day pass was the most I could wangle. I raced into town, where I got us a room and spent my private’s pay on a 12 ring.

I was a gangly kid in uniform. But Lydia, in a marvelous violet bridal suit, was a vision that still shimmers in my mind. As we walked to the church, a shower opened over us. Who cared? We ran laughing up the steps and inside to the altar.

Lydia and I have now celebrated our golden wedding anniversary. That’s a long time. But half a century, two children and one wondrous grandson later, it seems no more than a time-tick since I stood beside my girl—my wife—in that Carolina church.

1941年的秋天,我靠着温尼特卡社区剧院提供的300美元奖学金进了西北大学。那时我是个腼腆、瘦削、衣着寒碜的男孩。上戏剧课的头几天,我坐在一位名叫莉迪娅·克拉克的女孩后面。我的目光全被她那斜在一侧的浓密蓬松的爱尔兰黑发所吸引,心也不由得为之颤动。她趴在课桌上做笔记,我则坐在那儿发愣,眼前晃动的只有她的身影。

课间休息时,我唐突地向她发出简短的问候:“嗨,你好吗?”除此之外,我不知道该如何进一步发展我们的关系。我从没有约会过。女孩子都希望有人带她们出去,给她们买汉堡包和可口可乐,再用车子载她们回家。可我身无分文。我没有车开,而且是个舞盲。想追女孩子?我毫无头绪。

常言道,天遂人愿:我和莉迪娅的名字上了同一张剧目单。我要在《弗兰切斯卡·达里米尼》中扮演一位中世纪情人,身着紧身衣,头戴卷发,腰带插着匕首。莉迪娅则出演一部多愁善感的英文剧《马德拉斯的房子》。彩排期间——是命运的垂青吗——莉迪娅问我该怎样表演她的开场白。她告诉我,她一上场就得说:“明妮,我的青蛙死了!”

嘿,我当然知道那句台词要怎么念。我对整个表演信心十足。这种话题对我来说可谓轻车熟路。我就是不知道该怎样停下来。

开演的那天晚上,我扮演的中世纪情人那段首先登场。我想我是演砸了。我忧心忡忡地坐在化妆室的一角,莉迪娅走了进来,对我说:“我原以为你有多棒呢!”

要是卡里·格兰特在场,他准会想出20个风趣而又让人心动的答案。而我只伸了一下舌头。

莉迪娅是个聪明绝顶的女孩子,她既不走,也没有打击我。最后,我用压抑的声调说道:“我想,哦,我想跟你谈谈这事儿。我们能否出去,嗯,喝杯咖啡?”

行,她乐意(这话就像仙乐一般)。可后来在去咖啡店的路上,我突然意识到自己并没有钱,连一枚5分的镍币都没有。我可不能把真相告诉身边这位天仙美女。我只好默默祷告,希望这会儿能碰上哪位好友借几个子儿。我的确碰到了:我碰见了比尔·斯威尼,他借给我25美分。祝他的英名能载入史册。

我和莉迪娅选择了喝茶,因为这样时间会长些(热水可以免费添加)。我们在那坐了大约两个小时,无所不谈。把她送回宿舍后,我独自沿着黑暗的街道跑回家,不停地自言自语:“我爱她,我爱她!”我的确爱上她了。

我从未怀疑过这一切会发生。尽管在那晚之前我几乎没和她说过几句话,但我的确知道这事会发生。真是机缘难得:百分之一抑或千分之一?竟让我碰上了。

那个秋天就这样在边工作边恋爱中稀里糊涂地过去了。接着,1941年12月7日,日本偷袭了珍珠港。每一个18岁至45岁的健康男子都知道他们不久将去哪里:参军。

我报名参加了空军。在我入伍前的6个月,我和莉迪娅继续一块儿上课,一起在戏班里演出和工作。

“我恋爱了”不足以描述我的心情,至少我是这么看的。不妨说“爱得着迷”。但那不过是我的感受。我甚至不觉得莉迪娅当时也在恋爱。她对我总是若即若离,等着看我能否长成一个真正的男子汉。

在校园的最后几个星期,我一心想着说服莉迪娅跟我同床共眠或是让她答应嫁给我。每次她都断然拒绝。她没有要结婚生子的意向,她决心要拿到学位。

绝望之中,我使出士兵们几个世纪以来常用的一招,对她说:“想想看,你也许再也见不着我了。我们得在彼此的心里留下些什么!也许几年见不到我,也可能一辈子都见不到我了!”我演得伤心欲绝,因为我已经假戏真唱,可莉迪娅丝毫不为所动。

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