H.You are angry with me?
S.Have I not reason?
H.I hope you have;for I would give the world to believe my suspicions unjust.But,oh!my God!after what I have thought of you and felt towards you,as little less than an angel,to have but a doubt cross my mind for an instant that you were what I dare not name--a common lodging-house decoy,a kissing convenience,that your lips were as common as the stairs--S.Let me go,Sir!
H.Nay--prove to me that you are not so,and I will fall down and worship you.You were the only creature that ever seemed to love me;and to have my hopes,and all my fondness for you,thus turned to a mockery--it is too much!Tell me why you have deceived me,and singled me out as your victim?
S.I never have,Sir.I always said I could not love.
H.There is a difference between love and ****** me a laughing-stock.
Yet what else could be the meaning of your little sister's running out to you,and saying "He thought I did not see him!"when I had followed you into the other room?Is it a joke upon me that I make free with you?Or is not the joke against HER sister,unless you make my courtship of you a jest to the whole house?Indeed I do not well see how you can come and stay with me as you do,by the hour together,and day after day,as openly as you do,unless you give it some such turn with your family.Or do you deceive them as well as me?
S.I deceive no one,Sir.But my sister Betsey was always watching and listening when Mr.M----was courting my eldest sister,till he was obliged to complain of it.
H.That I can understand,but not the other.You may remember,when your servant Maria looked in and found you sitting in my lap one day,and I was afraid she might tell your mother,you said "You did not care,for you had no secrets from your mother."This seemed to me odd at the time,but I thought no more of it,till other things brought it to my mind.Am I to suppose,then,that you are acting a part,a vile part,all this time,and that you come up here,and stay as long as I like,that you sit on my knee and put your arms round my neck,and feed me with kisses,and let me take other liberties with you,and that for a year together;and that you do all this not out of love,or liking,or regard,but go through your regular task,like some young witch,without one natural feeling,to shew your cleverness,and get a few presents out of me,and go down into the kitchen to make a fine laugh of it?There is something monstrous in it,that I cannot believe of you.
S.Sir,you have no right to harass my feelings in the manner you do.
I have never made a jest of you to anyone,but always felt and expressed the greatest esteem for you.You have no ground for complaint in my conduct;and I cannot help what Betsey or others do.I have always been consistent from the first.I told you my regard could amount to no more than friendship.
H.Nay,Sarah,it was more than half a year before I knew that there was an insurmountable obstacle in the way.You say your regard is merely friendship,and that you are sorry I have ever felt anything more for you.Yet the first time I ever asked you,you let me kiss you;the first time I ever saw you,as you went out of the room,you turned full round at the door,with that inimitable grace with which you do everything,and fixed your eyes full upon me,as much as to say,"Is he caught?"--that very week you sat upon my knee,twined your arms round me,caressed me with every mark of tenderness consistent with modesty;and I have not got much farther since.Now if you did all this with me,a perfect stranger to you,and without any particular liking to me,must I not conclude you do so as a matter of course with everyone?--Or,if you do not do so with others,it was because you took a liking to me for some reason or other.
S.It was gratitude,Sir,for different obligations.
H.If you mean by obligations the presents I made you,I had given you none the first day I came.You do not consider yourself OBLIGED to everyone who asks you for a kiss?
S.No,Sir.
H.I should not have thought anything of it in anyone but you.But you seemed so reserved and modest,so soft,so timid,you spoke so low,you looked so innocent--I thought it impossible you could deceive me.
