"I shall write in my room," I snarled like a thwarted animal, and he looked at me curiously."Very well," he said; "then I'll make some notes and think about that order of ours out under the magnolias."I hovered about the lounge for a time buying postcards and feverishly restless, watching the movements of the other people.
Finally I went up to my room and sat down by the windows, staring out.There came a little tap at the unlocked door and in an instant, like the go of a taut bowstring, I was up and had it open.
"Here is that book," she said, and we hesitated.
"COME IN!" I whispered, trembling from head to foot.
"You're just a boy," she said in a low tone.
I did not feel a bit like a lover, I felt like a burglar with the safe-door nearly opened."Come in," I said almost impatiently, for anyone might be in the passage, and I gripped her wrist and drew her towards me.
"What do you mean?" she answered with a faint smile on her lips, and awkward and yielding.
I shut the door behind her, still holding her with one hand, then turned upon her--she was laughing nervously--and without a word drew her to me and kissed her.And I remember that as I kissed her she made a little noise almost like the purring miaow with which a cat will greet one and her face, close to mine, became solemn and tender.
She was suddenly a different being from the discontented wife who had tapped a moment since on my door, a woman transfigured....
That evening I came down to dinner a monster of pride, for behold! Iwas a man.I felt myself the most wonderful and unprecedented of adventurers.It was hard to believe that any one in the world before had done as much.My mistress and I met smiling, we carried things off admirably, and it seemed to me that Willersley was the dullest old dog in the world.I wanted to give him advice.Iwanted to give him derisive pokes.After dinner and coffee in the lounge I was too excited and hilarious to go to bed, I made him come with me down to the cafe under the arches by the pier, and there drank beer and talked extravagant nonsense about everything under the sun, in order not to talk about the happenings of the afternoon.
All the time something shouted within me: "I am a man! I am a man!"...
"What shall we do to-morrow?" said he.
"I'm for loafing," I said."Let's row in the morning and spend to-morrow afternoon just as we did to-day."
"They say the church behind the town is worth seeing.""We'll go up about sunset; that's the best time for it.We can start about five."We heard music, and went further along the arcade to discover a place where girls in operatic Swiss peasant costume were singing and dancing on a creaking, protesting little stage.I eyed their generous display of pink neck and arm with the seasoned eye of a man who has lived in the world.Life was perfectly ****** and easy, Ifelt, if one took it the right way.
Next day Willersley wanted to go on, but I delayed.Altogether Ikept him back four days.Then abruptly my mood changed, and we decided to start early the following morning.I remember, though a little indistinctly, the feeling of my last talk with that woman whose surname, odd as it may seem, either I never learnt or I have forgotten.(Her christian name was Milly.) She was tired and rather low-spirited, and disposed to be sentimental, and for the first time in our intercourse I found myself liking her for the sake of her own personality.There was something kindly and generous appearing behind the veil of ***** and uncontrolled sensuality she had worn.There was a curious quality of motherliness in her attitude to me that something in my nature answered and approved.
