As soon as Ethelberta had driven off from the Hall, Ladywell turned back again; and, passing the front entrance, overtook his acquaintance Mr. Neigh, who had been one of the last to emerge. The two were going in the same direction, and they walked a short distance together.
'Has anything serious happened?' said Neigh, noticing an abstraction in his companion. 'You don't seem in your usual mood to-night.'
'O, it is only that affair between us,' said Ladywell.
'Affair? Between you and whom?'
'Her and myself, of course. It will be in every fellow's mouth now, I suppose!'
'But--not anything between yourself and Mrs. Petherwin?'
'A mere nothing. But surely you started, Neigh, when you suspected it just this moment?'
'No--you merely fancied that.'
'Did she not speak well to-night! You were in the room, I believe?'
'Yes, I just turned in for half-an-hour: it seems that everybody does, so I thought I must. But I had no idea that you were feeble that way.'
'It is very kind of you, Neigh--upon my word it is--very kind; and of course I appreciate the delicacy which--which--'
'What's kind?'
'I mean your well-intentioned plan for ****** me believe that nothing is known of this. But stories will of course get wind; and if our attachment has made more noise in the world than I intended it should, and causes any public interest, why--ha-ha!--it must.
There is some little romance in it perhaps, and people will talk of matters of that sort between individuals of any repute--little as that is with one of the pair.'
'Of course they will--of course. You are a rising man, remember, whom some day the world will delight to honour.'
'Thank you for that, Neigh. Thank you sincerely.'
'Not at all. It is merely justice to say it, and one must he generous to deserve thanks.'
'Ha-ha!--that's very nicely put, and undeserved I am sure. And yet I need a word of that sort sometimes!'
'Genius is proverbially modest.'
'Pray don't, Neigh--I don't deserve it, indeed. Of course it is well meant in you to recognize any slight powers, but I don't deserve it. Certainly, my self-assurance was never too great. 'Tis the misfortune of all children of art that they should be so dependent upon any scraps of praise they can pick up to help them along.'
'And when that child gets so deep in love that you can only see the whites of his eyes--'
'Ah--now, Neigh--don't, I say!'
'But why did--'
'Why did I love her?'
'Yes, why did you love her?'
'Ah, if I could only turn self-vivisector, and watch the operation of my heart, I should know!'
'My dear fellow, you must be very bad indeed to talk like that. Apoet himself couldn't be cleaner gone.'
'Now, don't chaff, Neigh; do anything, but don't chaff. You know that I am the easiest man in the world for taking it at most times.
But I can't stand it now; I don't feel up to it. A glimpse of paradise, and then perdition. What would you do, Neigh?'
'She has refused you, then?'
'Well--not positively refused me; but it is so near it that a dull man couldn't tell the difference. I hardly can myself.'
'How do you really stand with her?' said Neigh, with an anxiety ill-concealed.
'Off and on--neither one thing nor the other. I was determined to make an effort the last time she sat to me, and so I met her quite coolly, and spoke only of technicalities with a forced smile--you know that way of mine for drawing people out, eh, Neigh?'
'Quite, quite.'
'A forced smile, as much as to say, "I am obliged to entertain you, but as a mere model for art purposes." But the deuce a bit did she care. And then I frequently looked to see what time it was, as the end of the sitting drew near--rather a rude thing to do, as a rule.'
'Of course. But that was your finesse. Ha-ha!--capital! Yet why not struggle against such slavery? It is regularly pulling you down. What's a woman's beauty, after all?'
'Well you may say so! A thing easier to feel than define,' murmured Ladywell. 'But it's no use, Neigh--I can't help it as long as she repulses me so exquisitely! If she would only care for me a little, I might get to trouble less about her.'
'And love her no more than one ordinarily does a girl by the time one gets irrevocably engaged to her. But I suppose she keeps you back so thoroughly that you carry on the old adoration with as much vigour as if it were a new fancy every time?'
'Partly yes, and partly no! It's very true, and it's not true!'
''Tis to be hoped she won't hate you outright, for then you would absolutely die of idolizing her.'
'Don't, Neigh!--Still there's some truth in it--such is the perversity of our hearts. Fancy marrying such a woman!'
'We should feel as eternally united to her after years and years of marriage as to a dear new angel met at last night's dance.'
'Exactly--just what I should have said. But did I hear you say "We," Neigh? You didn't say "WE should feel?"'
'Say "we"?--yes--of course--putting myself in your place just in the way of speaking, you know.'
'Of course, of course; but one is such a fool at these times that one seems to detect rivalry in every trumpery sound! Were you never a little touched?'
'Not I. My heart is in the happy position of a country which has no history or debt.'
'I suppose I should rejoice to hear it,' said Ladywell. 'But the consciousness of a fellow-sufferer being in just such another hole is such a relief always, and softens the sense of one's folly so very much.'
'There's less Christianity in that sentiment than in your confessing to it, old fellow. I know the truth of it nevertheless, and that's why married men advise others to marry. Were all the world tied up, the pleasantly tied ones would be equivalent to those at present free. But what if your fellow-sufferer is not only in another such a hole, but in the same one?'
'No, Neigh--never! Don't trifle with a friend who--'
'That is, refused like yourself, as well as in love.'
