Gerald Corey
The process of dying involves fewer and fewer choices available to us．Even in dying，however，we still have choices concerning how we handle what is happening to US．The following account deals with the dy— ing of Jim Morelock，a student and close friend of mine．
Jim is 25 years old．He is full of life，witty，bright，honest，and ac—tively questioning．He had just graduated from college as a human service major and seemed to have a bright future when his illness was discov—ered．
About a year and a half ago，Jim developed a lump on his forehead and underwent surgery to have it removed．At that time．his doctors be—lieved that it was not a cancer．Later，more tumors appeared，and more surgery followed．Several months ago，Jim found out that the tumors had spread throughout his body and that even with treatment，he would have a／short life．Since that time he has steadily grown weaker and has been able to do less and less；yet he has shown remarkable courage in the way he has faced this loss and his dying．
Some time ago Jim came to Califomia，and took part in the weekend seminar t，hat I had with the reviewers of this book．On this chapter，he commented that although we may not have a choice concerning the losseswe suffer in dying，we do retain the ability to choose our attitude towardour death． Jim has taught me a lot during these past few months about this en—during capacity for choice，even in extreme circumstances．Jim has mademany critical choices since being told of his illness．He chose to continuetaking a course at the university，because he liked the contact with the people there．He worked hard at a boat dock to support himself．He decid—ed to undergo treatment，even though he knew that it most likely would not result in his cure，because he hoped that it would reduce his pain．Itdid not，and Jim has suffered much agony during the past few months．He decided not to undergo chemical treatment because he didn’t want to prolong his life if he couldn’t really live fully．He made a choice to ac—cept God in his life which gave him a full sense of peace．Before he be—came bedridden，he decided to go t0 Hawaii and enjoy his time in luxury．
Jim has always disliked hospitals，SO he chose to remain at home，in more personal surroundings．As long as he was able，he read widely and continued to write in his diary about his thoughts and feelings on living and dying．With his friends，he played his guitar and sang songs that he had written．He maintained an active interest in life and in the things a-round him，without denying the fact that he was dying．
More than anyone I have known or heard about Jim has taken care of unfinished business．He made it a point to gather his family and tell them his wishes．He made contact with all his friends and said everything he wanted to say to them．He clearly stated his desire for cremation；he wants to burn those tumors and then have his ashes scattered over the sea．a wish that reflects his love of freedom and movement．as very little freed。m aIld movent now，for he can do httle but lie in his bed and wait for his death to come．To this day he is choo-sing to die with dignity，and although his body is getting weaker and wea—ker，his spirit is still very much alive．He retains his mental sharpness，his ability to say a lot in a very few words，and his sense of humor．He has allowed himself tO grieve over his losses．As he puts it．“I’d sure like to hang around to enjoy all those people that love me！”Realizing that this isn’t possible．Jim is saying good—bye to all those who are close to him．
Throughout his suffering，Jim’S mother has been truly great．When she told me how remarkable Jim has been in complaining SO rarely de—spite his constant pain，I reminded her that I’d never heard her complain during her months of caring for him．I have been continually amazed by her strength and courage，and I have admired her willingness to honor Jim’S wishes and accept his beliefs，even though at times they have dif-fered from her own poles apart．
Jim has been showing me that his style of dying will be no different from his style of living．By his example and by his words Jim has taught me how to evaluate my own life．
involve V．包括，潜心于，使陷于
witty adj．富于机智的，诙谐的
remarkable adj．不平常的，显著的，值得注意的
circumstance n．环境，事件，状况
maintain v．维持；使继续；保持；维修，保养
cremation n．焚化；火葬
dignity n．尊严；高贵
evaluate v．评估，赋值，评价
面对死亡的选择
杰拉尔德·科里
人将死时，可做的选择已经是越来越少。但是，就算面临死亡，我们还可以选择面对死亡的方式。下面讲的就是我的一位学生和好友——吉姆·莫洛克面对死亡的故事。
吉姆25岁。他活力四射——诙谐、机敏、正直、好学。刚从大学民政服务专业毕业的他，可以说是前程无限，但就在这个时候，他得病了。
大概在1年半以前，一个肿块出现在吉姆的额头上，随后他就做手术切除了。医生们当时都不认为那是恶性肿瘤。接着，更多的肿块又出现了，相继又做了几次手术。几个月前，肿瘤已扩散到吉姆全身，即使接受治疗，他也活不了多长时间了。从那以后，他的身体逐渐变弱，能做的事越来越少。但是，在这种机能丧失和生命衰亡面前，他表现出了足够大的勇气。
不久前，吉姆来到加利福尼亚，参加我组织的本书评论家周末讨论会，在评论本章时他说，尽管对生命衰退过程中的各种机能的丧失我们无能为力，但是我们完全可以选择对待死亡的态度。
在过去的几个月，人的这种不断做出决策的能力，特别是在极端困难的情况下做出决策的能力，吉姆用实际行动给我做了最好的诠释。从知道自己病情的那一刻，吉姆做出了许许多多至关重要的决定。因为喜欢同大学的人接触，他决定继续在大学选学一门课。他通过在一个船坞打工来养活自己。他清楚自己的病能被治愈的希望非常渺茫，但他还是决定继续接受治疗。因为他希望他的痛苦经过治疗能有所减轻。事实上治疗并没有减轻他的痛苦。在治疗期间，吉姆感受到极大的痛苦。他决定不再化疗，因为如果不能真正活得充实，他延长生命又有什么意义呢？他决定信教，成为基督教徒，这样他的内心能够得到宁静。在还能走动前，他决定去夏威夷，无忧无虑度过他生命中最后的日子。
吉姆特别不喜欢医院，所以他宁愿待在家里，待在更有人情味儿的环境里。只要身体状况允许，他就如饥似渴地大量阅读，同往常一样，他把对生与死的想法和感受写在日记里。和朋友一块时，他弹吉他，还唱自己写的歌。他从不回避死亡就要到来的事实，但仍自始至终对生活、对周围事物满怀热情。
在安排死前没有完成的愿望时，和我所知道或所听说的任何人相比，吉姆做得要算最周到了。为了表明自己的愿望，家人特意被他召集在了一起。他联系了所有的朋友，告诉他们自己想说的话。他明确表示要把尸体火化，他想把那些瘤子全部烧掉，最后把他的骨灰撒人大海。从这可以看出他对自由的热爱和对运动的向往。
然而，吉姆现在已经享受不到自由了，再也不能活动，因为他什么也做不了，除了躺在床上等待死神的降临。直到那时，他仍坚持即使死也要体面。尽管身体虚弱得一天不如一天，但他自始至终都保持着精神的饱满。他一直坚持思维敏捷，表达言简意赅，运用他的幽默。他毫不掩饰内心对将要失去所有这一切时的悲痛。如他所说： “我自然是愿意活下去，同爱我的人一块享受快乐！”当他明白这一切都已不再可能时，他逐一向亲近的人告别。
在吉姆忍受极大痛苦时，他的母亲同样也很伟大。她对我说，吉姆遭遇病痛的折磨，却很少怨天尤人，实在了不起。她说这话时，我对她说，在她护理吉姆的几个月里，我也从没听到她抱怨过什么，她的坚强和勇气，都使我惊叹。还有，尽管母子俩的意愿和信仰有大相径庭的时候，但她却能依吉姆的意愿去做，从不干涉他的信仰，这让我十分钦佩。吉姆一直向我展示，他对待死亡的态度和他对待生命的态度是一样的。吉姆以身作则，教我学会怎样评价自己的生活。
名人名言 Happiness is not a matter of events；it depends upon the tides ofthe mind．
——Alice Meynell
幸福不在于事件，而是取决于心灵的潮起潮落。
——艾丽丝·梅内尔
