But I'll be just as clear as I can.There are some years before us before we can be together.In that time I intend to go away and undertake a business I am interested in.My purpose is to--develop the work, to earn money, to help my family, and to--well, not to hinder you.""I don't understand, I confess," he said."Don't you propose to tell me what this 'work' is?""Yes--I will--certainly.But not yet dear! Let me try to show you how I feel about it.""Wait," said he."One thing I want to be sure of.Are you doing this with any quixotic notion of helping me--in _my_ business? Helping me to take care of my family? Helping me to--" he stood up now, looking very tall and rather forbidding, "No, I won't say that to you.""Would there be anything wrong in my meaning exactly that?" she asked, holding her own head a little higher; "both what you said and what you didn't?""It would be absolutely wrong, all of it," he answered."I cannot believe that the woman I love would--could take such a position.""Look here, Ross!" said the girl earnestly."Suppose you knew where there was a gold mine--_knew it_--and by going away for a few years you could get a real fortune--wouldn't you do it?""Naturally I should," he agreed.
"Well, suppose it wasn't a gold mine, but a business, a new system like those cigar stores--or--some patent amusement specialty--or _anything_--that you knew was better than what you're doing--wouldn't you have a right to try it?""Of course I should--but what has that to do with this case?""Why it's the same thing! Don't you see? I have plans that will be of real benefit to all of us, something worth while to _do_--and not only for us but for _everybody_--a real piece of progress--and I'm going to leave my people--and even you!--for a little while--to make us all happier later on."He smiled lovingly at her but shook his head slowly."You dear, brave, foolish child!" he said."I don't for one moment doubt your noble purposes.But you don't get the man's point of view--naturally.What's more you don't seem to get the woman's.""Can you see no other point of view than those?" she asked.
"There are no others," he answered."Come! come! my darling, don't add this new difficulty to what we've got to carry! I know you have a hard time of it at home.Some day, please God, you shall have an easier one!
And I'm having a hard time too--I don't deny it.But you are the greatest joy and comfort I have, dear--you know that.If you go away--it will be harder and slower and longer--that's all.I shall have you to worry about too.Let somebody else do the gold-mine, dear--you stay here and comfort your Mother as long as you can--and me.How can Iget along without you?"
He tried to put his arm around her again, but she drew back."Dear,"she said."If I deliberately do what I think is right--against your wishes--what will you do?""Do?" The laughed bitterly."What can I do? I'm tied by the leg here--l can't go after you.I've nothing to pull you out of a scrape with if you get in one.I couldn't do anything but--stand it.""And if I go ahead, and do what you don't like--and make you--suffer--would you--would you rather be free?" Her voice was very low and shaken, but he heard her well enough.
"Free of you? Free of _you_?" He caught her and held her and kissed her over and over.
"You are mine!" he said."You have given yourself to me! You cannot leave me.Neither of us is free--ever again." But she struggled away from him.
"Both of us are free--to do what we think right, _always_ Ross! Iwouldn't try to stop you if you thought it was your duty to go to the North Pole!" She held him a little way off."Let me tell you, dear.
Sit down--let me tell you all about it." But he wouldn't sit down.
"I don't think I want to know the details," he said."It doesn't much matter what you're going to do--if you really go away.I can't stop you--I see that.If you think this thing is your 'duty' you'll do it if it kills us all--and you too! If you have to go--I shall do nothing--can do nothing--but wait till you come back to me! Whatever happens, darling--no matter how you fail--don't ever be afraid to come back to me."He folded his arms now--did not attempt to hold her--gave her the ******* she asked and promised her the love she had almost feared to lose--and her whole carefully constructed plan seemed like a child's sand castle for a moment; her heroic decision the wildest folly.
He was not even looking at her; she saw his strong, clean-cut profile dark against the moonlit house, a settled patience in its lines.Duty!
Here was duty, surely, with tenderest happiness.She was leaning toward him--her hand was seeking his, when she heard through the fragrant silence a sound from her mother's room--the faint creak of her light rocking chair.She could not sleep--she was sitting up with her trouble, bearing it quietly as she had so many others.
The quiet everyday tragedy of that distasteful life--the slow withering away of youth and hope and ambition into a gray waste of ineffectual submissive labor--not only of her life, but of thousands upon thousands like her--it all rose up like a flood in the girl's hot young heart.
Ross had turned to her--was holding out his arms to her."You won't go, my darling!" he said.
"I am going Wednesday on the 7.10," said Diantha.
