"Excuse me, your Majesty," remarked Helen of Troy as Cleopatra accorded permission to Captain Kidd to speak, "I have not been introduced to this gentleman nor has he been presented to me, and Ireally cannot consent to any proceeding so irregular as this.I do not speak to gentlemen I have not met, nor do I permit them to address me.""Hear, hear!" cried Xanthippe."I quite agree with the principle of my young friend from Troy.It may be that when we claimed for ourselves all the rights of men that the right to speak and be spoken to by other men without an introduction will included in the list, but I for one have no desire to avail myself of the privilege, especially when it's a horrid-looking man like this."Kidd bowed politely, and smiled so terribly that several of the ladies fainted.
"I will withdraw," he said, turning to Cleopatra; and it must be said that his suggestion was prompted by his heartfelt wish, for now that he found himself thus conspicuously brought before so many women, with falsehood on his lips, his courage began to ooze.
"Not yet, please," answered the chairlady."I imagine we can get about this difficulty without much trouble.""I think it a perfectly proper objection too," observed Delilah, rising."If we ever needed etiquette we need it now.But I have a plan which will obviate any further difficulty.If there is no one among us who is sufficiently well acquainted with the gentleman to present him formally to us, I will for the time being take upon myself the office of ship's barber and cut his hair.I understand that it is quite the proper thing for barbers to talk, while cutting their hair, to persons to whom they have not been introduced.And, besides, he really needs a hair-cut badly.Thus I shall establish an acquaintance with the captain, after which I can with propriety introduce him to the rest of you.""Perhaps the gentleman himself might object to that," put in Queen Elizabeth."If I remember rightly, your last customer was very much dissatisfied with the trim you gave him.""It will be unnecessary to do what Delilah proposes," said Mrs.Noah, with a kindly smile, as she rose up from the corner in which she had been sitting, an interested listener."I can introduce the gentleman to you all with perfect propriety.He's a member of my family.His grandfather was the great-grandson a thousand and eight times removed of my son Shem's great-grandnephew on his father's side.His relationship to me is therefore obvious, though from what I know of his reputation I think he takes more after my husband's ancestors than my own.Willie, dear, these ladies are friends of mine.
Ladies, this young man is one of my most famous descendants.He has been a man of many adventures, and he has been hanged once, which, far from ****** him undesirable as an acquaintance, has served merely to render him harmless, and therefore a safe person to know.Now, my son, go ahead and speak your piece."The good old spirit sat down, and the scruples of the objectors having thus been satisfied, Captain Kidd began.
"Now that I know you all," he remarked, as pleasantly as he could under the circumstances, "I feel that I can speak more freely, and certainly with a great deal less embarrassment than if I were addressing a gathering of entire strangers.I am not much of a hand at speaking, and have always felt somewhat nonplussed at finding myself in a position of this nature.In my whole career I never experienced but one irresistible impulse to make a public address of any length, and that was upon that unhappy occasion to which the greatest and grandest of my great-grandmothers has alluded, and that only as the chain by which I was suspended in mid-air tightened about my vocal chords.At that moment I could have talked impromptu for a year, so fast and numerously did thoughts of the uttermost import surge upward into my brain; but circumstances over which I had no control prevented the utterance of those thoughts, and that speech is therefore lost to the world.""He has the gift of continuity," observed Madame Recamier.
"Ought to be in the United States Senate," smiled Elizabeth.
