I spent two days on the miserable food that I could afford with ten coppers.Then the wife of a tanner joined the fraternity,and she haggled over the ten coppers for more than an hour.Finally,after five days,I had seven mistresses,and my wages were seventy coppers.I began to eat splendidly:the wine I drank wasn't the worst,but it wasn't the best either (I didn't want to overreach my hand and have it lopped off).The five other women were the wife of a constable,a gardener's wife,the niece (or so she said)of a chaplain in the Discalced order,a goodlooking,sprightly girl,and a tripe merchant.This last woman I liked best because whenever she gave me the ten coppers she invited me to have some tripe soup,and before I left her house I would have guzzled down three or four bowlsful.
So I was living as content as could be.The last mistress was a devout woman:I had more to do with her than with the others because all she ever did was visit with friars,and when she was alone with them she was in her glory.Her house was like a beehive:some coming,others going,and they all came with their sleeves stuffed with things for her.For me,so I would be a faithful secretary,they brought some pieces of meat from their meals,which they put in their sleeves.I have never in my life seen a more hypocritical woman than she was.When she walked down the street she never took her eyes off the ground;her rosary was always in her hand,and she would always be praying on it in the streets.Every woman who knew her begged her to pray to God for them since her prayers were so acceptable to Him.She told them she was a great sinner (and that was no lie),but she was lying with the truth.
Each of my mistresses had her own special time for me to come.When one of them said she didn't want to go out,I went to the next one's house,until I finished my rounds.They told me what time to come back for them and without fail,because if I (sinner that I am)was even a little bit late,the lady would insult me in front of everyone she visited,and she would threaten me,saying that if I kept being so careless she would get another squire who was more diligent,careful,and punctual.Anyone hearing her shout and threaten me so haughtily undoubtedly thought she was paying me two pieces of silver every day and a salary of three hundred silver pieces a year besides.When my mistresses walked down the street each one looked like the wife of the judge over all Castile,or at least,of a judge of the Chancery.
One day it happened that the chaplain's niece and the constable's wife met in a church,and both of them wanted to go home at the same time.The quarrel about which one I would take home first was so loud that it was as though we were in jail.They grabbed hold of me and pulled--one at one side and one at the other--so fiercely that they tore my cloak to shreds.And there I stood,stark naked,because I didn't have a damned thing under it but some ragged underwear that looked like a fish net.The people who saw the fish hook peeping out from the torn underwear laughed their heads off.The church was like a tavern:some were ****** fun of poor Lazaro;others were listening to the two women dig up their grandparents.I was in such a hurry to gather up the pieces of my cloak that had fallen in their ripeness that I didn't get a chance to listen to what they were saying.I only heard the widow say,'Where does this whore get all her pride?Yesterday she was a water girl,and today she wears taffeta dresses at the expense of the souls in purgatory.
The other woman answered,"This one,the old gossip,got her black frocks at bargain prices from those who pay with a Deo Gratias ,or a 'be charitable in God's name.'And if I was a water girl yesterday,she's a hot-air merchant today."
The people there separated the women because they had begun to pull each other's hair.I finished picking up the pieces of my poor cloak,and I asked a devout woman there for two pins.Then I fixed it as well as I could and covered up my private parts.
I left them quarreling and went to the tailor's wife's house.She had told me to be there at eleven because she had to go to dinner at a friend's house.When she saw how ragged I looked,she shouted at me,"Do you think you're going to earn my money and escort me like a picaro?I could have another squire with stylish trousers,breeches,a cape and hat,for less than I pay you.And you're always getting drunk on what I give you."
What do you mean,getting drunk?I thought to myself.With seventy coppers that I make a day,at most?And many days my mistresses don't even leave their houses just so that they won't have to pay me a cent.The tailor's wife had them stitch together the pieces of my cloak,and they were in such a hurry that they put some of the pieces on top that belonged on the bottom.And that's the way I went with her.
