The winter was a wretched one.There were days on which Sara tramped through snow when she went on her errands;there were worse days when the snow melted and combined itself with mud to form slush;
there were others when the fog was so thick that the lamps in the street were lighted all day and London looked as it had looked the afternoon,several years ago,when the cab had driven through the thoroughfares with Sara tucked up on its seat,leaning against her father's shoulder.On such days the windows of the house of the Large Family always looked delightfully cozy and alluring,and the study in which the Indian gentleman sat glowed with warmth and rich color.But the attic was dismal beyond words.There were no longer sunsets or sunrises to look at,and scarcely ever any stars,it seemed to Sara.The clouds hung low over the skylight and were either gray or mud-color,or dropping heavy rain.At four o'clock in the afternoon,even when there was no special fog,the daylight was at an end.If it was necessary to go to her attic for anything,Sara was obliged to light a candle.The women in the kitchen were depressed,and that made them more ill-tempered than ever.
Becky was driven like a little slave.
"'Twarn't for you,miss,"she said hoarsely to Sara one night when she had crept into the attic--"'twarn't for you,an'the Bastille,an'bein'the prisoner in the next cell,I should die.That there does seem real now,doesn't it?The missus is more like the head jailer every day she lives.I can jest see them big keys you say she carries.
The cook she's like one of the under-jailers.Tell me some more,please,miss--tell me about the subt'ranean passage we've dug under the walls."
"I'll tell you something warmer,"shivered Sara."Get your coverlet and wrap it round you,and I'll get mine,and we will huddle close together on the bed,and I'll tell you about the tropical forest where the Indian gentleman's monkey used to live.When I see him sitting on the table near the window and looking out into the street with that mournful expression,I always feel sure he is thinking about the tropical forest where he used to swing by his tail from coconut trees.I wonder who caught him,and if he left a family behind who had depended on him for coconuts."
"That is warmer,miss,"said Becky,gratefully;"but,someways,even the Bastille is sort of heatin'when you gets to tellin' about it."
"That is because it makes you think of something else,"said Sara,wrapping the coverlet round her until only her small dark face was to be seen looking out of it."I've noticed this.What you have to do with your mind,when your body is miserable,is to make it think of something else."
"Can you do it,miss?"faltered Becky,regarding her with admiring eyes.
Sara knitted her brows a moment.
"Sometimes I can and sometimes I can't,"she said stoutly.
"But when I CAN I'm all right.And what I believe is that we always could--if we practiced enough.I've been practicing a good deal lately,and it's beginning to be easier than it used to be.
When things are horrible--just horrible--I think as hard as ever I can of being a princess.I say to myself,`I am a princess,and I am a fairy one,and because I am a fairy nothing can hurt me or make me uncomfortable.'You don't know how it makes you forget"--with a laugh.
She had many opportunities of ****** her mind think of something else,and many opportunities of proving to herself whether or not she was a princess.But one of the strongest tests she was ever put to came on a certain dreadful day which,she often thought afterward,would never quite fade out of her memory even in the years to come.
For several days it had rained continuously;the streets were chilly and sloppy and full of dreary,cold mist;there was mud everywhere--sticky London mud--and over everything the pall of drizzle and fog.
Of course there were several long and tiresome errands to be done--there always were on days like this--and Sara was sent out again and again,until her shabby clothes were damp through.The absurd old feathers on her forlorn hat were more draggled and absurd than ever,and her downtrodden shoes were so wet that they could not hold any more water.Added to this,she had been deprived of her dinner,because Miss Minchin had chosen to punish her.She was so cold and hungry and tired that her face began to have a pinched look,and now and then some kind-hearted person passing her in the street glanced at her with sudden sympathy.But she did not know that.
She hurried on,trying to make her mind think of something else.
It was really very necessary.Her way of doing it was to "pretend"
and "suppose"with all the strength that was left in her.
But really this time it was harder than she had ever found it,and once or twice she thought it almost made her more cold and hungry instead of less so.But she persevered obstinately,and as the muddy water squelched through her broken shoes and the wind seemed trying to drag her thin jacket from her,she talked to herself as she walked,though she did not speak aloud or even move her lips.
"Suppose I had dry clothes on,"she thought."Suppose I had good shoes and a long,thick coat and merino stockings and a whole umbrella.
And suppose--suppose--just when I was near a baker's where they sold hot buns,I should find sixpence--which belonged to nobody.
SUPPOSE>if I did,I should go into the shop and buy six of the hottest buns and eat them all without stopping."
Some very odd things happen in this world sometimes.
