Do you think me destitute of every honest,every natural feeling?Am Icapable of consigning HER to everlasting:misery whose welfare it is my first earthly duty to promote?The idea is horrible!""What,then,was your intention when you insisted on her silence?""Of what use,my dear sister,could be any application to you,however the affair might stand?Why should I subject you to entreaties which I refused to attend to myself?Neither for your sake nor for hers,nor for my own,could such a thing be desirable.When my own resolution was taken I could nor wish for the interference,however friendly,of another person.I was mistaken,it is true,but I believed myself right.""But what was this mistake to which your ladyship so often alludes!from whence arose so astonishing a misconception of your daughter's feelings!Did you not know that she disliked Sir James?""I knew that he was not absolutely the man she would have chosen,but I was persuaded that her objections to him did not arise from any perception of his deficiency.You must not question me,however,my dear sister,too minutely on this point,"continued she,taking me affectionately by the hand;"I honestly own that there is something to conceal.Frederica makes me very unhappy!Her applying to Mr.De Courcy hurt me particularly.""What is it you mean to infer,"said I,"by this appearance of mystery?If you think your daughter at all attached to Reginald,her objecting to Sir James could not less deserve to be attended to than if the cause of her objecting had been a consciousness of his folly ;and why should your ladyship,at any rate,quarrel with my brother for an interference which,you must know,it is not in his nature to refuse when urged in such a manner?""His disposition,you know,is warm,and he came to expostulate with me;his compassion all alive for this ill-used girl,this heroine in distress!
We misunderstood each other:he believed me more to blame than I really was;I considered his interference less excusable than I now find it.Ihave a real regard for him,and was beyond expression mortified to find it,as I thought,so ill bestowed We were both warm,and of course both to blame.His resolution of leaving Churchhill is consistent with his general eagerness.When I understood his intention,however,and at the same time began to think that we had been perhaps equally mistaken in each other's meaning,I resolved to have an explanation before it was too late.For any member of your family I must always feel a degree of affection,and I own it would have sensibly hurt me if my acquaintance with Mr.De Courcy had ended so gloomily.I have now only to say further,that as I am convinced of Frederica's having a reasonable dislike to Sir James,I shall instantly inform him that he must give up all hope of her.I reproach myself for having even,though innocently,made her unhappy on that score.She shall have all the retribution in my power to make;if she value her own happiness as much as I do,if she judge wisely,and command herself as she ought,she may now be easy.Excuse me,my dearest sister,for thus trespassing on your time,but I owe it to my own character;and after this explanation I trust I am in no danger of sinking in your opinion."I could have said,"Not much,indeed!"but I left her almost in silence.It was the greatest stretch of forbearance I could practise.I could not have stopped myself had I begun.Her assurance!her deceit!but I will not allow myself to dwell on them;they will strike you sufficiently.My heart sickens within me.As soon as I was tolerably composed I returned to the parlour.Sir James's carriage was at the door,and he,merry as usual,soon afterwards took his leave.How easily does her ladyship encourage or dismiss a lover!In spite of this release,Frederica still looks unhappy:still fearful,perhaps,of her mother's anger;and though dreading my brother's departure,jealous,it may be,of his staying.I see how closely she observes him and Lady Susan,poor girl!I have now no hope for her.
There is not a chance of her affection being returned.He thinks very differently of her from what he used to do;he does her some justice,but his reconciliation with her mother precludes every dearer hope.Prepare,my dear mother,for the worst!The probability of their marrying is surely heightened!He is more securely hers than ever.When that wretched event takes place,Frederica must belong wholly to us.I am thankful that my last letter will precede this by so little,as every moment that you can be saved from feeling a joy which leads only to disappointment is of consequence.
Yours ever,&c.,CATHERINE VERNON.
