Early one morning, Donna received a phone call with some terrible news: her best friend's brother had been killed in a car accident. Donna had known this friend, Mary, and her brother nearly her entire life, and the news was devastating. However, Donna quickly pulled herself together, got in the car, and drove to her friend's house to be there with her.
Over the course of the next few days, amidst the haze of the funeral and hundreds of visitors, Donna was 100 percent present for Mary. She held her close while she cried endless tears, sat by her side as the waves of grief washed over her friend, and slept on the floor next to Mary's bed to make sure she did not wake up alone in the middle of the night. During that time she hardly felt any pain in her knee at all and none of the depression she had been experiencing.
Several weeks later, when life began to return to normal, Donna realized that the level of support she had given Mary far exceeded any support she had offered herself during her dark time. She was able to use the support she had given her friend as a mirror for the support she had been withholding from herself. She realized that her own tears required as much attention and nurturing from her as anyone else's, and that if she could give it to another, she must be able to also give it to herself...
So, when you find yourself unable to support someone else, look within and see if perhaps there is something within yourself that you are not supporting. Conversely, when you give complete support to others, it will mirror those places within you that require the same level of attention.
传播光明的方法有两种：要么做一根蜡烛，要么做一面镜子去反射它的光芒。
——沃顿
他人身处困境时，你主动帮他渡过难关，你就是在支持他。或许你不会想到，你帮助他人的同时，也是在帮你自己。拒绝对他人施以援手，其实也是拒绝帮助自己。
朋友之间最需要相互支持。前几天，我的一位熟人唐娜给我讲述了一个故事，故事清楚地阐明了支持的魔力及其作为情感之镜的潜在效应。
几年前，唐娜一度委靡不振。那时，她和相恋两年的男朋友刚刚分手，这让她难以承受。接着，她又因膝盖受伤卧床数日，当然，孤独在家的日子，对她的身心毫无益处。她无法控制这种局面，因而痛苦不堪，整天懊恼、伤心、泪流满面。
一天清晨，唐娜接到她最好的朋友玛丽的一个电话，玛丽的弟弟在一场车祸中死去了。这一噩耗让唐娜悲恸万分。要知道，唐娜与他们有着多年的交情，算得上是一辈子的朋友。唐娜很快振作起来，立刻驱车前往玛丽家陪她。
出事后的几天里，在张罗玛丽弟弟的葬礼和接待吊唁者期间，唐娜总是陪在玛丽身旁，寸步不离。玛丽痛不欲生时，唐娜紧搂着她；玛丽悲伤万分、痛苦不堪时，唐娜给她以慰藉；为了不让玛丽在半夜惊醒后独自黯然神伤，唐娜就睡在她床边的地板上。那段时间里，唐娜全然忘记了膝盖的疼痛，心中的伤痛也沉寂下来。
之后几周，一切都回归常态。这时，唐娜才意识到，在这段阴暗的日子，她给予朋友的支持远多于给自己的，她几乎没有主动帮自己摆脱困境。她觉得自己同样也需要他人的关爱与支持。并且，她能给别人关爱和支持，就一定能给自己。
所以，当你发现自己无法给予他人关怀时，仔细审视自己吧，看自己是否有某些地方拒绝得到支持。反过来，如果你能全心全意地关怀他人，你就会发现，这些地方你也同样需要关爱。
爱是需要相互传递的。只有在别人身处困境时，你慷慨地付出爱，在你身处困境时，才可能及时得到爱，而不管这爱来自蜡烛本身，还是镜子反射的烛光，都足以使你安然度过那段煎熬岁月。
illustrate ['ilstreit] v. 说明；阐明；表明
We use illustrations to illustrate this problem.
我们使用图解来说明问题。
potential [p'tenl] adj. 潜在的；有可能的
Before implementing this sale project, we must be sure the
potential of the market.
在实施此项销售计划之前，我们必须先试探一下目标市场的潜力。
compound ['kmpaund] v. 使混合；使严重；使恶化；使加重
The heavy rain compounded the trouble of the lost hikers.
大雨增加了迷路的徒步旅行者们的困难。
devastating ['devsteiti] adj. 毁灭性的；令人震惊的
Their impact on the indigenous population was devastating.
他们给土著居民带来毁坏性影响。
或许你不会想到，你帮助他人的同时，也是在帮你自己。
当你发现自己无法给予他人关怀时，仔细审视自己吧，看自己是否有某些地方拒绝得到支持。
反过来，如果你能全心全意地关怀他人，你就会发现，这些地方你也同样需要关爱。
She had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years.
break up with：跟……分手；与……断绝关系
Several weeks later, when life began to return to normal.
return to normal：恢复正常
痛苦伴随你成长
Pain and Growth
佚名 / Anonymous
Looking back over my life, it seems to me that I have learned the most when I felt the greatest pain. My mother' s death, for example, made me more profoundly aware of the beauty in nature. My capacity for finding joy in the most ordinary events (watching a flower open, leaves turning red, a bird taking a bath) seems to deepen each time I live through great sorrow. Death makes life more precious; frustration makes success more fulfilling; failure makes the next accomplishment more meaningful.
In order to feel deeply it is necessary to feel everything. It is impossible to choose. You can' t really know how great is your sense of joy at a baby' s birth or your satisfaction at succeeding at a hard job unless you are also deeply aware of the anguish of separation and the pain of failure. It' s through the capacity to feel that we discover ourselves and others and explore the potential for a full, significant life.
This is an especially crucial issue for parents. Our natural inclination is to try to protect children from pain. We have the mistaken notion that if a child is happy we are doing a good job; if a child is sad we are failing as parents. But giving children the message that happiness is good and sadness is terrible decreases their capacity to explore the full range of human experiences.
Children need to understand that suffering, frustration and failure are not only inevitable but helpful. The parent who took a simple puzzle away from a four-year-old—because "he gets too upset and frustrated when he can' t get it right immediately"—did the child a great disservice. Children need to experience such feelings as they grow up; it helps them to develop the patience, persistence and ability to cope with what they' ll need when a scientific experiment fails, or a low grade is received after diligent study. There is nothing so terrible about failing and feeling pain; what hurts in the long run is not trying because of the fear of pain.
回顾我的一生，似乎那些让我觉得最受伤的事情给了我最多的启示。比如，母亲的死让我更深刻地感知了自然中的美丽。每一次我从极大的悲痛中挣扎出来，似乎我在最寻常的事物（赏花开、观叶红、看鸟浴）中发现欢乐的能力就会增强。死亡让生命更加珍贵,挫折让成功更加完美,而失败也让下一次的成功意义更加深刻。
要感受深刻，就需用心去感知一切。除此之外，别无选择。除非你深深地理解分娩的疼痛，否则你不会真正领悟新生命诞生的极大喜悦；除非你深深地理解失败的痛苦，否则你就不能真正地领悟完成艰巨任务后的满足感。我们用这种感知的能力，去发现和探索自己和他人完整而意义重大的人生。
